You may have heard the phrases more than once: “leave your baby alone in the dark even if he cries”, “you will see that he will stop crying and get used to it”… But in reality, it is not a good idea and your baby will feel terribly abandoned unconsciously causing deep emotional wounds. A baby is demanding and needs his parents to feel safe, protected and nurtured at all times.
This is essential for its development, and if it is not taken into account your baby will feel very bad. So that you better understand how it can feel, we are going to explain when do babies start missing their parents.
When do babies start missing their parents?
It was dark and I was in my crib. The door was closed and I was completely alone, no one hugged me or kissed me … I felt unprotected. I don’t understand why I’m alone and I get nervous. I call my parents with all my might, I can only do it through my crying.
I know my crying bothers them, but I have no other way to communicate. At one point I saw a small light and it seemed that the door was opening. I was relieved, I hoped that the arms of my mother or my father would hold me and hug me outside. I need to calm down but I don’t know how to do it myself.
But I heard some words that said: “shhh, you have to sleep”, and they closed the door again. Those words have no meaning to me, I just feel like I’m alone again. Nobody attends to me and I am afraid that they will abandon me. What if they are not close? What if I am alone and no one is around to assist me when I need it? I feel nervous, irritable and scared. I feel like vomiting, my belly and head hurt, what is happening to me?
I do not like the dark and I cry again, no one attends to me. Nobody protects me, nobody gives me emotional comfort. Will I be a bad baby? What happens so that no one attends to me? I hear some distant words from Mom again, then the same from Dad.
They do not understand me. I don’t want to be here alone, so I cry even louder. I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest, but no one is coming with me. Maybe they don’t know where I am, I have to cry even harder, what if they don’t know where I am? What if I’ll stay here alone forever? I am more and more afraid …
I don’t know how long it’s been, but it seems endless. I hear voices in the distance, don’t they know where I am? I am moving as my little body leaves me because I am restless. I will have to keep crying because I know they love me and at some point they will come looking for me. I need you to do it, I need it now.
I don’t want to be alone in this dark room any longer
No one has come for me, it seems that they do not love me enough. I feel emotionally abandoned, my parents don’t really love me. No matter how much I cry, no one seems to listen to me.
Every night is like this, I am tired of crying. I’ve learned that no one will come for me, they don’t care. No matter how hard I try, they won’t come. This makes me feel awful bad. I hope they come to hug me, to tell me that they want me to hold me in their arms a little longer.
I just need that, unconditional love.
What should you learn about this?
Now you know how your baby feels when you leave him alone in his crib without attending to him, will you do it again? Your little one doesn’t have enough tools to tell you how he feels, but he needs you more than anything in the world.
Never let him cry. Your child is not manipulating you, nor does he want to make you nervous, he only needs you. When he cries, he does it because it is the only way he has to communicate with you and to tell you that something is wrong … that he needs you to hug him, to attend to him.
Do not think that this is how you are teaching him to sleep because nothing could be further from the truth! You will only learn that your parents are not by your side when you need them most. Hug him and give him all your love whenever he needs it. You are not going to spoil him, he needs it just like breathing or eating.
Do not allow him to cry, to lose heart, much less leave him alone in the dark. Your child loves you with all his might and just wants to be by your side. It is temporary, it will pass. But do not leave him alone and far from crying.